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One thing I have wanted to write about for a while in this column is the view of sex and dating in Turkey. I have watched mostly foreign and some Turkish friends grapple with dating and all its highs andβmore oftenβlows, and have become endlessly fascinated with the subject.
Although it is not something I have to partake in, it is a subject that fascinates me. A Turkish male friend once told me that one night stands are not really a thing, and especially not for women no big surprise there.
Another Turkish male friend told me that although men and women can be friends, growing up in large mixed-sex friendships groups is a lot less common than in other parts of the world. He also told me that if a girl and a boy are friends, pretty soon one of them will develop a romantic interest in the other. Religion is of course the major player of why this is the case.
Sex is seen as something that should happen between a husband and wife, and practiced according to the teachings of Islam. With a religion that severely subjugates its women comes an unfair balance between the roles that men and women play in courtship, marriage, and sex: the woman is submissive to her husband, who can have multiple wives although polygamy is illegal, it is still practiced in some parts of the country , and use her for sex whenever the mood strikes him.
Marital rape and domestic violence are both common practices, especially in rural areas. Then it is not private. We cannot view adulterers as victims. The question begets why the Turkish government is so obsessed with sex. It could be out of either envy or obsession caused by self-suppression. Some sort of a covetous behavior perhaps. The consequences of this conservative view of sex are direβfor both men and women.